My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
