it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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