what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
