there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
