Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
