It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
