Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
