I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My hand turned me down
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
