he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
