3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my being single is dangerous.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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