I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
