I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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