I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
