So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
