On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
