So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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