You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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