cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
