I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
