we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
