I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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