I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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