weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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