Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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