Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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