Can i not drive my cunt home
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
