hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
