Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
