And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
nutella sex= disaster
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
