next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
