she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
