**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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