I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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