You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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