my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
