i wish my penis had a tongue
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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