Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
