I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i think im in europe. pls send help
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
