Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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