FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What a dumb baby whore.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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