im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
