As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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