Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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