forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
