by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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