lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
