You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
