My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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