I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize