so explain again why im purple
no
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
