i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
