do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
