woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
