Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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