Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
