Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
