with your own penis?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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