FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
