Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize