Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
