I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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