She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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