Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
