theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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