i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
