I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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