Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
