quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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