Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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