my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's always time for handjobs
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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