So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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