mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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