The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
